


alone together at christmas

by yehetno



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: (lolkindatonallyconfused), :), Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Um., hallmark movie vibes, i wrote what i wanted, pls read it i spent so much time on this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:04:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21610618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yehetno/pseuds/yehetno
Summary: "I'm the boyfriend," he said, naturally twining their fingers together.Dongmin makes the impulsive decision to pretend to be a stranger's boyfriend for the holidays.  Honestly, it's not as bad as it could have been.
Relationships: Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 318





	1. i. prologue: distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongmin makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> light discussion of death & grief.

Holding his phone against his ear, Dongmin leaned against his granite counter. He twisted the cool bottle of water in his hands, silently taking in the words of his mother. She sounded happy, happier than she'd been in a while. Losing his father had been hard for both of them. It was nice to hear an echo of the woman she was when Dongmin was growing up.

Dongmin's mother loved him, but his father was light of her life. Their familial bond was complicated; Dongmin wasn't sure if they'd ever planned on having children. His father once said Dongmin's existence was a happy accident. It didn't surprise him to hear that at the time. It only bothered him a little bit that he was a small bump on their path of happiness. He supposed their relative distance made it easier for him to be successful. They sent him to a nice boarding school where he acquired many of his technical acting skills. By the time that he was acting full-time, he was used to the slight hollowness of homesickness.

He didn't blame his mother for being devastated. One day, Dad was there, and the next he wasn't. She was lost. She was used to not having Dongmin there, but it had been so long since she existed without his father that it tore her apart.

Dongmin opened the bottle and gulped down some of the water.

She was going on a holiday cruise with her new boyfriend, Hoon.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," she said after talking about how excited she was. She must have noticed Dongmin's silence.

Dongmin shook his head and smiled, putting the water down on the counter. "It's okay."

"I should have asked you before making such big plans," she quietly murmured.

"It's okay," he repeated softly, wandering over to his living room. On an end table, there was a photo from his middle school graduation. His mother and father stood next to each other while Dongmin stood at his mother's side holding a bouquet with a smile on his face. He still wasn't the center of her world, not that he was ever the center of his father's world either. "I'm all scheduled out for the holidays anyway," he lied. "I'm glad you'll have someone to spend the week with."

A sigh of relief crackled over his receiver. His lie had relieved a burden for her. "I see," his mother said. "I'm still sorry."

"I'll have my gift for you delivered when you get back," he promised with a fake brightness in his voice. "I have to go now, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, too, Dongmin."

He pulled his phone away from his ear; his mother ended the call before he could. He sank into the sofa, staring out through his window at the cold winter sky. It wasn't that Dongmin was unfamiliar with spending the holidays alone, no. He had spent his fair share of holidays and breaks from school alone, holed up in a room, reading about the lives of people more interesting than him. When he was still establishing himself as an actor, he sacrificed holidays with loved ones for holidays with cameras and crew and working hard to get reliable work.

He thought this year might be different. He cleared his schedule ahead of time; he was at a point in his career where he could be selective with what work was offered to him. He wanted to be home to start mending and reforging his relationship with his mother. 

A bitter rush of loneliness ran through him.

He wanted to get out of Seoul. Out of Korea if he could swing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next: bin & dongmin meet. the story happens. (eta dec 22?)  
> 3rd post will be the epilogue.
> 
> [here is my tumblr if you have any questions.](http://yehetno.tumblr.com/)


	2. ii. they meet, they part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongmin has the loveliest week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a person who dislikes writing dialogue, this was hard.  
> hopefully it's ok.
> 
> i am tired, andkinda sick. i tried to edit & proof it, but my brain is mush and it said good enough. sorry if it reads like a dumpster fire.

He sunk back into the comfort of hiding behind his sunglasses. Fame was a hassle in situations like this; it made traveling nightmare-ish. He constantly checked over his shoulder, hoping that no one was whispering about him. He could plaster on a smile and put fans at ease and sign things, but it was so much easier to try laying low. There were perks to anonymity, but it had been years since Dongmin had access to them.

Dongmin hitched his travel bag over his shoulder and readjusted his hat, scanning for the correct airline counter. He chose Japan. A week in Japan would be fine; he could relax, rejuvenate, and most importantly, immerse himself in something other than loneliness. For once, it was a blessing that his mother didn't press him for further details. He would feel pathetic for lying to spare her feelings in a moment where she was trying to offer a sincere apology. He just had to get to Christmas-- he already had a New Year's recording lined up.

His eyes quickly locked onto the correct airline counter. He steeled himself as he marched toward the line. There were a few people in front of him, all of whom were engrossed in their phones and conversations with travel partners. Dongmin blinked, trying to remember the last time that he had a travel companion. He wasn't sure if he should include his management on that list because they were obligated to accompany him on those trips. The thought left Dongmin stumped. He couldn't think of one time since becoming an adult that he had someone to keep him company.

He busied himself with fishing his passport and credit card out of his carry-on bag.

Dongmin suppressed a sigh; he liked his life well enough. He was content with what he had. He wanted for nothing, gave back as much of his accrued wealth as he could. He had friends to grab a beer with when he wanted. 

Of course, he wanted to be a better son. Sometimes he was too busy to do social things. He didn't really have the time and mental energy to cultivate a relationship with someone; not that he'd want to subject another person to peripheral fame if it was something they didn't want to sign up for.

Having someone to love might be nice. 

It sounded fantastic in theory. He had played a romantic lead enough times to wonder what it would be like for him in reality.

Dongmin slowly made his way to the front of the queue, contemplating if contentment could be characterized as happiness. Maybe, if he tilted his head and squinted his eyes, he could argue that he was happy.

He slid his passport to the woman behind the counter, speaking in a low voice, "10:05 to Tokyo."

As she checked his passport and began typing away on her keyboard, Dongmin pulled his sunglass off and folded them into his hand. He pulled the corners of his lips up into a polite smile as her typing slowed. She looked at the computer screen, the passport, Dongmin's face, and back to the computer screen again. A soft gasp of recognition escaped from her mouth.

She cleared her throat, blush flooding her cheeks. It almost matched the pink lip tint darkening the center of her lips. "Will you be checking a bag, Mr. Lee?"

"No."

The printer behind the counter whirred to life. The woman tucked the boarding pass into his passport before handing both to him. "You're very handsome in person."

"Thank you," Dongmin smiled wider. He had heard that many times. It was a combination of being polite and a small way to acknowledge that they recognized Dongmin. Sometimes people didn't have anything else to say; that suited Dongmin just fine.

"Have a good flight and happy holidays."

"Thank you. Happy holidays to you as well."

Dongmin turned away from the counter and quickly placed his sunglass back on his face. He started to make his way toward security; he dreaded going through the line. Generally, the security check-point was when Dongmin gunked up the works. When he got recognized by many people at that airport choke-point, he became a nuisance and could only grimace apologetically to the people working the security line.

Dongmin didn't make it to security. With his eyes so focused on the uncomfortably long security lines, he failed to notice the person standing still in the middle of his path and walked straight into him. They both toppled over. 

The body next to Dongmin groaned as Dongmin shifted onto his knees, a heart-felt apology already leaping from his throat. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

Dongmin looked down at the person. A plain white shirt was layered with a red-plaid button-up under a puffy black jacket. The man released a dejected sigh. Although he pushed himself into a sitting position, his posture was positively defeated. He frowned, picking up a small, misshapen white box that he must have dropped.

"I'm sorry," the man said, lifting his face to reveal a face fraught with worry. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going--"

Dongmin placed a hand on the man's shoulder, "I ran into you. It's my fault." He glanced at the box, "What was in there?"

"A cupcake."

Dongmin frowned. Poor guy. He looked like a kicked puppy, and Dongmin had probably just ruined his afternoon by trampling over his small treat. Dongmin hopped up to his feet and extended a hand, "Come on, I'll buy you a new one."

"No, no, no," the man shook his head. "It's really okay. It's not that important."

Dongmin sighed, reaching down to pull at the man's free hand. Luckily, the stranger met him halfway and grasped Dongmin's hand to launch himself up to his own two feet. They were roughly the same height, Dongmin noted. Now, he was even more embarrassed to have mowed over a fellow traveler. For someone who thought he was always on high alert in public, he was just plain unobservant in this case.

Dongmin repeated himself, "Are you okay?"

The man gently retracted his hand from Dongmin's and shrugged, "That's a complicated question."

"Let me replace your cupcake, and you can tell me all about it."

Dongmin's eyes flicked over toward the small cluster of restaurants just past the security line, quickly finding the bakery stall from which he got the cupcake. He pointed at the bakery, and his stranger followed Dongmin's finger with his entire torso. He nodded, giving up before putting up a substantive fight.

When they joined the end of the short line, Dongmin realized he needed to know which cupcake he was replacing. He turned and began, "What kind of cupcake would you like..." Dongmin stopped. He didn't have a name to call this man. "What's your name?"

"Double Chocolate Daydream," the man said. He paused. Dongmin could practically see the wheels turning in his head. This man was unsure of whether or not he should tell Dongmin his name. "I'm Bin. And you are?"

Dongmin blinked. His airport disguise was either quite effective today, or Bin didn't recognize him at all. How refreshingly wonderful. Dongmin could just be a normal, anonymous person for a minute. He rarely had those kinds of interactions anymore; he cherished them. "Dongmin."

"Nice to meet you, I guess."

Dongmin smiled. Bin seemed kind. Dongmin turned back around and quickly order Bin's replacement cupcake and selected a Strawberry Short Cupcake for himself. The server behind the counter looked utterly bored and didn't give Dongmin the chance to request the cupcakes in separate boxes before they were pushed toward him.

He spared an apologetic glance to Bin as he handed over the requisite cash to pay for the cupcakes.

With the cupcakes in hand, Dongmin turned around to see Bin taking a seat on one of the nearby benches. Swiftly, Dongmin bridged the distance between them and took a seat by his new unfortunate acquaintance. He opened the box and plucked out his cupcake, passing off Bin's to him as he asked, "Are you okay?"

Bin pursed his lips, glancing at Dongmin with a furrowed brow. Dongmin could read his face quite well; Bin had no reason to trust Dongmin, not really, and he was clearly considering how deep he should be with his honesty. Bin gripped his new cupcake box and shook his head, "Not really."

"Do you _want_ to talk about it?" Dongmin asked as he began to peel the wrapper off his cupcake gently. He plucked off the fresh strawberry garnish on top and popped it into his mouth, waiting for Bin.

Bin licked his lips and sighed. He turned his body toward Dongmin, "Dongmin. Will you take this to the grave?"

Dongmin nodded.

"Pinky swear?" 

He extended the pinky of his free hand to Bin and gestured for Bin to seal the deal. Bin even stamped the promise with his thumb. It was sweet in its sincerity; Dongmin had a growing soft spot for Bin.

Bin leaned further forward and spoke in a low voice, "I really stuck my foot in my mouth on this one. It's just-- you know when you tell one white lie just to get your mom to stop asking about your relationship status? Then you keep lying and being elusive because your mom keeps pressing for details and it snowballs out of control, and suddenly you're promising to bring home a boy for holidays when he doesn't actually exist just to get her off your back. And then you're on the flight home without anything close to boyfriend and haven't figured out how to tell any of your family or friends, who are very excited to meet this boy you've been talking up for like two months, that you lied and you're still very single?"

Dongmin processed for a moment. Somehow, it made sense. He didn't have a prying mother, but he was familiar with the felling. He had felt that pressure; being asked over and over about his relationship status and finding there was no way to answer that question to make people leave it alone. He empathized with Bin's situation. Dongmin clicked his tongue, "Oddly enough, yes."

Bin stared blankly, "Oh."

"Oh?"

Bin shrugged, "Well, I don't know. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. I figured I was in a more unique position than it appears I am."

Dongmin quickly polished off his cupcake and dusted off his lap. He considered what advice he might have to offer this man. He didn't have much practical experience in family situations. He wanted to help. He mulled it over while chewing his last bite. He swallowed roughly before responding, "For what it matters, I think you could just tell them the truth."

"Are you crazy? The embarrassment alone would send me to my grave."

Dongmin thought for a moment, "Then he broke up with you and you don't wanna talk about it."

"Huh," Bin grunted, looking down at his cupcake, "I hadn't thought of that. Thank you."

Dongmin patted his shoulder and smiled brightly, "This has been lovely Bin. I wish you luck with your family."

He gathered his things and checked his watch; he still had plenty of time to make it to his gate before his plane took off. Bin offered a small smile in return and stuck out his hand, "Glad to have met you."

Bin rose to his feet and looked toward the exit. He exhaled deeply, "Time to face the music I suppose. Goodbye, Dongmin."

"Bye, Bin," Dongmin offered a small wave and watched as his brief companion dragged his bag along with him toward the reception area.

Dongmin lingered on his retreating figure.

Would it be that simple for Bin to just avoid talking about it? Dongmin's heart was suddenly seized by a moment of panic. Uncertainty blossomed in his chest. Bin would need to be convincingly mopey to make sure that his friends and family didn't pry, and Dongmin didn't drive that point home. At that moment, all Dongmin had the capacity to worry about was making sure that Bin would be okay.

Dongmin slid his hand into his pocket, fingers fluttering around the edges of his plane ticket. Wallowing was all that he would have if he went through the security line. 

His body made the choice before he finished processing his thoughts.

He was going to help Bin.

He tossed his bag over his shoulder and started jogging to catch Bin. At a minimum, he could help sell the break-up narrative. He followed Bin's figure and caught sight of two men standing next to each other with a sign reading "Moon Bin". Bin headed straight toward them with shoulders squared in determination.

They wrapped Bin into a group hug, and Dongmin was steps away.

As Bin pulled away, the shorter of the two asked, "So where is he?"

"Well--" Bin started.

"Bin, there you are!" Dongmin called out with a joking relief. Three sets of eyes landed on him; each set reading with more surprise than the next, the most surprised of all was Moon Bin. Dongmin giggled naturally, pawing at his shoulder. "Were you that excited to see them that you couldn't wait the two minutes it took for me to get my bag?"

Confusion swept over Bin's face. He was speechless. Dongmin mentally apologized for messing up Bin's plans.

"Sorry," the tall one said, "You are?"

Dongmin grinned, stepping next to Bin and clasping their hands together. "I'm the boyfriend," he said, naturally twining their fingers together to drive home his point. He rolled eyes and confidently added: "Obviously."

Dongmin almost heard the pieces click into place for Bin. A sudden and loud laugh, "Ha! Ha-ha. Yes, yeah, I'm sorry, b-boyfriend. My dear, sweet, lovely, incomparable, tangible boyfriend, sweetie. Honey." Bin cleared his throat. (Bin was a bad liar. This much was clear. Dongmin made the right decision to bail him out.)

Dongmin nudged Bin with an elbow and muttered under his breath, "Introduce me formally please." 

"Ah, yes. Jinwoo, Sanha, this is my-- this is my Dongm-- my boyfriend, Dongmin. Dongmin, this is my Jinwoo and Sanha."

The shorter of the two plastered on a broad smile and pulled Dongmin into a tight hug, "Hello, Dongmin. Lovely to meet you."

"Jinwoo, _personal space,"_ the taller one-- Sanha, Dongmin supposed-- hissed through his teeth, tugging Jinwoo's sweater.

With a final squeeze, Jinwoo released Dongmin, clapping a hand down on his shoulder to follow up an even warmer smile. Jinwoo placed his hands squarely on his hips, looking between Dongmin and Bin who, well, for the time being, was his boyfriend. 

"Dongmin," Jinwoo softly said. "Does anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like that actor?"

Dongmin caught a look of complete mortification on Sanha's face before the boy covered his face with both hands and whispered, "Oh my god."

Dongmin nodded. Many times, in fact, he had been told that he resembled himself.

Sanha and Jinwoo led Bin and Dongmin back to their car in the parking garage. Jinwoo filled the space where silence should have been; unprompted, he launched himself into a story about the pains he had been going through to find the perfect gift for his fiance. Sanha looked pained; it was clear that Sanha was very much caught up on this non-saga.

"Did you draw the short straw?" Bin whispered to Sanha.

Sanha shook his head and lowly replied, "The other half is in the same camp and needed time without Jinwoo to prepare the holiday gift. Yay me."

Dongmin tuned back into Jinwoo's story and hummed along to each rhetorical question that Jinwoo posed.

"Whaddya think?" Jinwoo stopped turned on his heel, making full eye contact with Dongmin. "Is that something you think he'd like?"

This must be what a deer in headlights felt like. The trunk of the car next to Jinwoo popped open and, without asking, Jinwoo placed Dongmin's bag in the car. He still stared at Dongmin, clearly waiting for Dongmin's two cents about his gift plans.

"Well," Dongmin cleared his throat, shifting awkwardly between his feet as Bin stuffed his things into his friend's car. "I don't really know your fiance."

"Let's get home!" Sanha interjected, steering Jinwoo to the driver's side door.

Bin motioned for Dongmin to get into the car with an awkward smile. A brief moment of regret overcame Dongmin. Bin didn't ask for this, and maybe now, Dongmin stepping in to help out would end disastrously. Perhaps, it was Bin's facial expression that sowed this seed of doubt in Dongmin. He couldn't quite read it, and he dreaded the idea that he might be adding, yet again, to Bin's not so awesome day. His affection for Bin encouraged him to power through and just help Bin however possible.

Dongmin and Bin slid into the back and Sanha buckled himself in.

"So, Dongmin," Jinwoo started the car and asked, "What do you do for a living? Bin has been very tight-lipped."

He glanced around the car as the vehicle started moving. Sanha slumped forward; he clearly knew. Dongmin wasn't sure about Bin or Jinwoo, but if he was going to run into more people from Bin's life, someone else was bound to recognize him. There was no point in lying.

"I act."

Jinwoo chuckled awkwardly. Dongmin glanced at Bin, still unable to decipher his expression.

"Like in the theater?" Jinwoo followed up.

Dongmin clicked his tongue, "Not recently."

"Oh, okay, what have you acted in recently?"

Sanha coughed loudly, drawing everyone's attention. He cleared his throat and sniffled, "Must be coming down with something."

It must have been a secret signal between Sanha and Jinwoo because Dongmin received no follow-up questions. Jinwoo mumbled something about vitamin-c, and the car fell silent. Bin offered a forced smile.

Dongmin suppressed a sigh and turned to the window, watching the nighttime landscape shift. Bin's family must have lived on the outskirts of the city where homes had more privacy and there was more space to breathe. Dongmin's heart ached, suddenly longing for a childhood that he had always dreamed about but never lived through. It struck him once again that his upbringing left him cold. He longed for the freedom of a quiet bike ride and a warm welcome home.

Did Bin grow up here? Was he a happy child, a rebellious teen, a loving son?

He leaned his forehead against the cool window of the car and closed his eyes. Maybe he missed the idea of having an ideal childhood. He had been cast plenty of times as a teenager in both ideal and in less than ideal situations based on the script. He guessed he only felt bad because he had a pseudo-youth through his career.

The car came to a stop in front of a cozy-looking home. Lights decorated the railing of the stairs leading to the front door; through the window, Dongmin could see a partially decorated tree. A few bikes were laying on their sides on the lawn.

Someone huddled on the front porch, leaning against one of the support beams on either side of the front steps. Dongmin squinted, trying to find a face in the darkness but failing. 

Bin patted Dongmin's shoulder and heaved a great sigh, "Let's go."

Jinwoo and Sanha were already out and fishing bags out of the trunk. The figure from the porch rushed to Bin with open arms and pulled him down into a tight embrace. The deep affection of the embraced reached Dongmin where he stood. This person missed Bin. Then Dongmin saw her face. She looked like him. (Did people make that same immediate connection between Dongmin and his own mother?)

As the mother-son hug came to an end, Bin turned and motioned at Dongmin, "This is Dongmin."

She smiled at him and took his extended hand into hers. She patted it firmly, "Welcome, I'm Bin's mother. Let's get you two settled in."

Mrs. Moon led them through the house, mostly making comments for Dongmin's benefit. Bin placed his hand on the small of Dongmin's back, trying to settle into the roles of Boyfriend with small gestures-- the quiet moments of intimacy that might seem natural to a supposed couple. For whatever reason, Dongmin felt proud when he noted it, as though Bin was his improv protegee.

They could do this. (Bin still had to formally agree to commit this medium-long con, but Dongmin was sure that he and Bin could pull it off.)

Mrs. Moon pointed out the kitchen, making specific note that decorating cookies would be on the agenda, so he shouldn't worry about that. She also explained the tree was only half-decorated, and once Sua got home, they would decorate it all together. She ushered Dongmin and Bin up the stairs, off-handedly mentioning that it took her only twenty minutes to weave the tinsel and lights through the banister this year-- a new record for her!

She stopped in front of Bin's door and lingered for a moment, "We don't have extra rooms to spare, so you'll have to stay in the same room. To be clear, I expect you to be on your best behavior."

"Great!" Bin replied with too much volume. He gently nudged Dongmin into the room. He quickly closed the door behind them and promptly hit his forehead against the door, body nearly collapsing in embarrassment. 

Dongmin looked around Bin's childhood room. It felt an act too familiar and too intimate for him to do so as a virtual stranger. The corkboard on the wall above Bin's desk was covered in layers of pictures and notes. Diplomas and certificates framed the doors of Bin's closet. Trophies and medals cluttered the top of Bin's dresser. He had an entire wall of movie posters tiled with other photos and smaller posters of soccer players. His bed had sheets with stars on them and a pile of too many pillows alongside a sizable teddy bear.

"Sorry about that," Bin said after pulling himself. "She thinks she's a cool mom."

Dongmin waved it off. He began to prepare himself for a giant apology. God, Dongmin acted rashly, and Bin and his family and friends (that Dongmin had met) were so nice. 

"Um," Bin started, "Thank you?"

"What?"

"For you know, pretending to be... my boyfriend," Bin replied shyly, looking at his feet and scratching the back of his head. "I'm a pretty terrible liar, and you didn't have to help and now you're in my house and roped into spending time with my family. You can totally jump out whenever you want."

Dongmin shrugged, "I don't mind."

Bin took a seat on his bed, pulling his legs under him, "Don't you... have plans to spend the holidays with your family or something?"

Dongmin shook his head, taking a seat next to Bin, "Helping you is my plan for the holiday. It's either this or being alone in Japan."

Bin's brow furrowed, "So, we're doing this? Duping my family? You and I are... dating performatively for my family for the next few days?"

Dongmin nodded his head, "If that's what you want."

Bin fell back onto his bed, "I need to tell you what I've told them about you so we can sell this."

//

Dongmin numbly brushed his teeth in the bathroom across the hall from Bin's room. He wouldn't have to do much out of character to fall in line with Bin's description. Dongmin, as Bin had laid out, liked romance movies and pasta dinners; he was supposed to be a big fan of cats, just like Bin. Other than that, Bin had described his boyfriend as blandly and unimaginatively as possible: sweet, caring, funny, hard-working.

Dongmin took in some water and began swishing it around his mouth.

Bin was a photographer for a travel magazine. That seemed like something Dongmin would know as his boyfriend.

He was just as sweet as he seemed. That cupcake that Dongmin ruined when plowing him over was for his little sister. He had a soothing voice, and the look on his face when he described his made up dream-boyfriend was so breathlessly soft that it made Dongmin's heart hurt. He felt pressured to lie about having a boyfriend because his mother was worried about him being socio-emotionally fulfilled with his job limiting his ability to make and maintain all types of relationships.

Pretending to be in love with Bin, Dongmin thought that would be easy.

They agreed to try to be intimate in the small ways that a couple trying to limit public displays of affection would. Sitting a little too close to each other, holding hands, pet names, maybe a small peck on the cheek if they really felt the pressure. Dongmin confessed that he had limited experience with it, but promised he would think of it as a long improv performance. They just had to do what felt right in the moment. Outwardly, they needed to believe they were dating.

Dongmin gathered his things and crossed the hallway. His fingers closed around the handle to Bin's door when he heard low voices from downstairs.

"Lee Dongmin?!" A low voice exclaimed.

"Hm," Mrs. Moon hummed softly. "It makes a lot of sense why he was elusive about it now."

"How?"

"Honey! Lee Dongmin is practically a household name. It would make Bin feel terrible if he went and claimed that he had a famous boyfriend and they broke up before we could meet him. Or, maybe, consider whether or not Dongmin is prepared to share such a new relationship with the public."

A scoff, "He should have said something."

"Well, it's in the past now. They're here."

Dongmin withdrew back toward Bin's room. He shouldn't eavesdrop on Bin's parents after already trespassing on their family time. He opened Bin's door to find his host and (fake) boyfriend setting up pillows and sheets on the floor.

"What are you doing?"

Bin looked up at him, his sleeping shirt hanging loosely and revealing most of his collarbone, "Preparing to sleep on the floor?"

"No, I'll sleep on the floor," Dongmin replied, setting his things down on top of his bag. He could not let Bin sleep on the floor because of him. It wasn't right. This was Bin's space.

Bin shook his head vigorously, "No siree, nope no. I am not letting a multi-award winning actor sleep on the floor of my room in the dead of winter."

Dongmin rolled his eyes. Bin searched his name when he was brushing his teeth Dongmin pretended he wasn't disappointed. It would have been nice just to be Dongmin the person without dealing with the idea of Dongmin the actor. "If you sleep on the floor, I sleep on the floor."

He sighed and crossed his arms. His fingers drummed against his bicep. Bin raised an eyebrow, "We're both on the bed with all of the extra pillows between us?"

Dongmin smiled and began moving the pillows back to the bed. He wrapped himself in the blanket and settled into half of Bin's bed, "Goodnight, Mr. Moon Bin."

Bin switched off the light, "Just... call me Bin."

"Goodnight, Bin," Dongmin whispered, "See you in the morning."

//

For the first time in life, he awoke with someone laying next to him. Bin's arm had crossed the dividing line of pillows and weighed his chest down. He looked so peaceful, lips parted, sleep warming his cheeks.

Bin was beautiful, serene.

Dongmin had to stop himself from brushing the hair out of Bin's face.

He pressed his hands against his cheeks. They were ablaze with their own embarrassment, and he knew in his heart that it stemmed from another moment of stolen intimacy. He shouldn't want to lovingly fix the hair of someone he hardly knows and definitely shouldn't think he's pretty.

//

Dongmin sat in front of the large bowl of undressed popcorn and listened to Bin's father's simple instructions. 

"You just punch the needle through the little bulbous part of the popcorn and pull it through to the end of the line. If you want to add cranberries, you'll want to make a pattern. This thimble will save your life, young man."

Dongmin gently slipped the thimble onto his thumb and quietly thanked him. It only seemed appropriate that he would be intimidated; meeting parents can be scary and Bin's father seemed like a papa bear, and Dongmin wasn't yet close enough to him to fall into his circle of protection.

It wasn't real. He wasn't a real boyfriend in need of the "if-you-break-his-heart" talk, but it made him wonder what his own father might have done. Would his father warmly greet Bin and accept him just for the grace of making Dongmin happy? Would his acceptance need to be earned the way that Bin's father required?

Bin's mother took an immediate liking to him, handing him a threaded needle with a warm smile.

Dongmin glanced at Bin. He was already part of the way through completing his garland pattern. Dongmin plucked a piece of popcorn from the bowl in front of him and bit his lower lip. Their thighs were pressed together under the table. It lent them the physical credibility of being in a relationship. He wondered if Bin noticed the heat as much as he did.

"When's Sua getting here?" Bin asked, humming along to the soft music playing in the dining area.

"Later today. When she gets here, we'll add the ornaments and top the tree," Mrs. Moon responded.

The sound of the front door opening pulled Dongmin's attention away for the craft making. Jinwoo walked into view with a smile, followed by a new rosy face wrapped in an oversized scarf. The new stranger had a container in his hands and spoke first, "Hi all! We brought some cookies."

Bin stood up, pulling his warmth with him, and took the box from the man.

"Myungjun, you shouldn't have," Bin's mother chided lovingly, rounding the table to pat Jinwoo's company on the back.

Jinwoo huffed in fake annoyance, "I helped with the cookies too."

Myungjun scrunched his nose, "You are the best quality control I've ever had."

He glanced at Dongmin and raised an eyebrow, "Hello!"

Dongmin raised a silent hand and gave the tiniest wave he could manage. Bin almost shouted, "Oh!" He hooked an arm around Myungjun's neck and used his hand to gesture, "Myungjun, this is Lee Dongmin."

Myungjun gritted his teeth, freezing his face in a forced smile, "Yes, I know who Lee Dongmin is. Why is he crafting with your family?"

Bin blinked, "He's my--"

Jinwoo interrupted Bin and proudly clamped a hand on Dongmin's shoulder, "He's Moon Bin's heretofore unnamed boyfriend."

Myungjun's jaw dropped. Of all the people Dongmin had met thus far, Myungjun had the reaction closest to that which Dongmin had been imagining. "Bin, your boyfriend is real?"

Oh.

Myungjun knew Bin was lying about having someone.

"And it's Lee Dongmin?" Myungjun held his head before announcing, "I need to take a seat."

"I'll get you some water," Dongmin offered, scuttling off to the kitchen to grab a glass. By the time he reentered the situation, Myungjun was doing math using his fingers. He placed the glass on the table in front of Myungjun. From what Dongmin could gather, Myungjun was trying to figure out how he had so thoroughly misread Bin's situation. (He hoped one day he'd be able to tell Myungjun the truth. It didn't feel right making this man reconsider his emotional and social intuition; he had been right.)

JInwoo leaned over and whispered dreamily, "I'm gonna marry him."

"This is your fiance?"

Jinwoo nodded.

It made Dongmin smile. Jinwoo was so proud to have Myungjun as his fiance, unashamed in how enamored he was.

Myungjun chugged down the water and stared at Dongmin for a solid minute. Dongmin was unused to this kind of deep appraisal. It was far more complex than the kinds of stares that he usually received. He felt, again, that he was being assessed for quality; Bin's family and friends looked at him and searched for reasons to approve or disapprove of his "relationship" with Bin. They analyzed him on a surface level, as though just being wordless in his presence could grant them insight into how well he matched Bin. No probing questions had been asked; everyone was using their gut.

Dongmin was desperate for their approval. How lovely it would be for people to recognize his value as a person, to accept his capacity to love and challenge him to expand it. Generally, people confined their criticism to his public face, rarely, if ever, making determinations about the Dongmin behind the scenes.

He wanted to be good enough for Bin in their eyes. (He hoped he was good enough in Bin's eyes too, those were the ones that mattered the most to Dongmin right now.) 

Finally, Myungjun broke the silence and nodded, "I forgot to introduce myself. I am Myungjun. Welcome."

Sua's arrival two hours later prompted another explanation about Dongmin's presence.

At this point, Dongmin's identify was the less surprising part; almost none of his friends or family seemed to believe that Bin was dating anyone.

Sua shrugged it off and shook his hand. "Welcome to the family then," she said before tearing into her cupcake.

It was so nonchalant, but it sparked something in Dongmin.

It stuck with him as they decorated the tree. He watched as inside jokes played out amongst the family and friends. Sanha showed up part of the way through decorating the tree with homemade marshmallows and started a pot of hot chocolate. Bin sat next to him between taking photos of the gathering and explained every single outburst of laughter, drawing Dongmin into a charming past filled with happy mistakes. This ornament was from the year Sanha baked cookies and accidentally used salt in the place of sugar. That carol reminded them of when Jinwoo's voice cracked during his solo at a holiday recital. One year, Sua socked the boy she was dating in the nose because he surprised her coming down the stairwell.

Jinwoo slipped a mug of chocolate into Dongmin's hands as he defended his love of fruitcake with short words.

Bin snorted and leaned against Dongmin before whispering, "Is this okay? Me touching you?"

Dongmin nodded; his heart was full of the joy of others. Maybe he was lonelier than he thought. He turned and whispered to Bin: "Your family is very lovely."

Bin shook his head, "They're crazy. Is this what your holidays look like?" His body settled even further against Dongmin's.

A heavy sigh escaped from Dongmin's lungs, "No."

Bin lifted his head to look at Dongmin. Concern and worry and maybe a hint of sadness mucked up Bin's expression. Dongmin felt seen again, felt cared for in an unfamiliar way. His eyes pled for an explanation from Dongmin.

"It's been a while since I spent the holidays at home." Dongmin glanced up to see Myungjun dump and an entire box of tinsel on Sanha. Anger on Sanha's face fizzled away with laughter. 

"We didn't decorate when I was a kid, and I worked through the holidays when I started acting until this year. My family wasn't quite this warm."

Arms wrapped around Dongmin. Bin's chin rested on his shoulder. "You'll be warm here," Bin promised, a hand moving to smooth the hurt from Dongmin's furrowed brow.

//

Holding Bin's hand was...

Bin's hands were so big and warm. His fingers were firm and soft at the same time. He must have been well practiced in holding hands because he took Dongmin's hand with confidence. Their fingers wound together naturally, and Bin smiled.

Bin smiled at Dongmin like there were only two people on the planet.

Dongmin had to remind himself at that moment that they were acting. The way Bin's gaze held him made him feel like they were dating. Rarely had Dongmin seen such commitment to romantic notions even in his own career path. He had to give Bin credit for giving all of his energy to pretending to be in love with Dongmin.

Bin held his hand, and Dongmin held Bin's. 

Dongmin's heart pounded, as though it had achieved something; like it caught onto actual love and wanted to keep it and nurture into blooming beautifully.

They walked in a quiet rhythm behind Bin's parents and sister. Jinwoo was attempting to convince Myungjun to give him a piggyback ride. Dongmin adored how easily they bickered and immediately resolved their tension. He craved the kind of open affection that they had.

Sanha was glued to his phone, gnawing on his lower lip with a look of worry in his eyes. They were walking to a neighborhood meetup to tour the holiday light and lawn displays in the area. A group of people gathered in front of a house at the end of the street.

Sanha swerved to walk in stride with Dongmin and Bin.

"Hypothetical question."

Bin shook his head, "No."

"Dongmin? Will you answer my hypothetical?"

"Sure." Bin rolled his eyes, "Sorry Sanha, not listening to this today. Good luck, _babe_." 

Dongmin's heart fluttered again, even as Bin let go of his hand and went to over to Jinwoo and Myungjun.

"What do you do if you're falling for your best friend?"

Dongmin blinked and considered it. He thought about all of the roles he auditioned for, the books he'd read, movies he'd watched, and characters he'd become. "Say something to them?"

"Really?"

Dongmin sighed and stopped. He took Sanha by the shoulders, "Ask your friend out."

Sanha frowned, "What if he says no?"

"What if he says yes?"

Sanha winced, "I might vomit. I don't want to lose him."

"Look, Sanha, I've never been in love with my best friend. Heck, you could say the bulk of my experience in romance comes from acting and consuming various types of media. You could also argue that I don't have a true best friend, so I'm really coming at this with a fresh pair of eyes. If he's your friend and you're his friend and the romantic parts aren't mutual, you'll move past it." Dongmin slowly released his grip on Sanha.

"Was this it felt like when Bin asked you out?" Sanha whined, clutching his stomach.

Dongmin cleared his throat. Would he be this nervous to ask Bin out? He was very nervous about being caught having real feelings developed under the ones he was supposed to be faking. He nodded.

"Okay. I'll just-- tell Minhyuk I like him. Easy as pie."

Dongmin gently offered a follow up: "Be clear and concise. Leave no room for misinterpretation."

Sanha threw his arms around Dongmin, "You're kind of awesome. You get my stamp of approval. Thank you."

Dongmin stared at Sanha speeding off toward the other side of the gathering; a smile formed on his lips. If asked, he would be unable to explain it; those words filled his entire body with warmth. Someone thought he was awesome, that Lee Dongmin the person was awesome and thought that Lee Dongmin person was someone worthy of approval.

He rejoined Bin's side with a smile stuck on his face.

Bin mirrored his expression. He grabbed Dongmin's hand and pulled it into his hand into jacket pocket.

"To keep our hands super warm," Bin promised in a whisper.

Dongmin smiled even wider.

//

When the bowl of popcorn ran out during the movie, Dongmin volunteered himself to make the new batch. He skirted around the edge of the packed floor of the living room and began to rummage around the kitchen, looking for popcorn kernels.

Bin's mother appeared moments later, efficiently finding and pulling out the kernels.

"You didn't need to come out; I would have found them eventually," Dongmin said softly, embarrassed that he was ruining part of her tradition. Every year they had a mini-movie marathon after their evening holiday display tour.

She shook her head and patted Dongmin's hand, "I needed to get out; besides it seems like a good time to talk to you alone. Everyone else is so engrossed in the movie."

Dongmin gulped nervously. He didn't know what Bin's mother wanted to talk about.

"How are you?"

"Great," he replied.

"Has Bin met your parents yet?" She asked, pouring oil into the stockpot they were using to cook the popcorn.

Dongmin shook his head. He didn't want to lie to her. He skirted around the truth of the fact that they'd known each other for a few days and chose the explanation that would've been at play if he and Bin were actually an item. "Um, no. My mom lives south, and she's inwardly focused right now and she's traveling for the month. It's so new there hasn't been time." He cleared his throat, thinking about his father and his resting place. Dongmin hadn't been in a while. He was a bad son; at least, he could have been a much better son to his father. He didn't have any chances to fix that with his father.

A tear of fresh regret and grief welled in his eye.

Bin's mother brushed the hair from Dongmin's face. "When did you lose your dad?"

"Three years ago."

"Was it sudden?"

Dongmin nodded, quickly wiping a hot tear away.

She pulled him in a hug and began to rub his back. "The thing that annoyed me most when I lost my mother was when people apologized to me. I hurt for you, sweetie." She paused and whispered, "Do you think that you will introduce Bin to your parents? I want to help him manage expectations."

Dongmin pulled away and nodded. If he was dating Bin, he would take Bin home to his mother and take Bin to visit his father's resting place. He knew that much. 

Bin's mother smoothed his hair with a smile before finishing preparing the popcorn. "I'm glad Bin met you. He's very happy right now."

"I'm glad I met Bin, too."

She kissed his cheek and together they waited for the popcorn to finish.

//

Christmas Eve started quietly.

Dongmin sat on the couch, sipping a cup of tea and enjoying a scone. Bin was on the floor in front of him, cutting out paper snowflakes, talking to his sister about the forecast for snow. He smiled to himself, glancing over at Bin's parents; his father squinted through glasses at the newspaper and his mother was already writing "thank you" notes for cards the family had been receiving.

It was like a dream. It was so cozy and domestic and Dongmin could hardly believe it.

A frantic hand hit his leg several times. Bin rose to his feet, yanking Dongmin up on the way with him and directing his gaze to the window. Large, glittering flakes of snow were floating to the sky, materializing from the gray sky and sinking to the ground. "Snow, snow, snow, snow!"

Bin was frantic, "We gotta go out!"

Sua dashed up the stairs. Bin frowned and looked between them. "We need to get out of our pajamas."

He pulled Dongmin along with him as he raced up the staircase. His door slammed thunderously. Bin stripped to his underwear and rummaged through his bag looking for clothes. The only thing that slowed him down was when he noticed Dongmin standing there, silent and dumbfounded, cheeks burning red.

"Get changed! We need to get out there," he urged Dongmin. 

Dongmin turned around and opened his bag. All of Bin was unsurprisingly beautiful. Dongmin needed to pull himself together. Plucking items out of a bag to form a cozy out took Dongmin longer than Bin wanted. He appeared by Dongmin's side with a chunky sweater, already wearing snow boots, decked out with a jacket, hat, and scarf.

Dongmin thanked him and put the sweater on. It smelled like Bin's sheets. That made Dongmin blush. Sharing clothes was also very intimate. Dongmin slid his feet into his shoes and shrugged his jacket on.

Bin stared at him, "You don't have a scarf or hat or gloves?"

Dongmin shook his head, "I'm supposed to be at a spa in Japan. No."

A lovely dimpled smile greeted Dongmin. Bin wound a scarf around Dongmin's neck, tucking the extra fabric length into Dongmin's zipped jacket. He grabbed a hat from his dresser and gently placed it on Dongmin's head, moving hairs out of way meticulously as he settled it into place for Dongmin. Bin's expression was so serious and endearing. He checked over Dongmin's entire body, as though one extra square inch of exposed skin was a threat to Dongmin's well being. "All good?" He asked.

Dongmin nodded.

Bin gripped his hand and led him outside as fast as his feet would let them.

The snow was falling quickly and staying on the ground. Sua launched a snowball at Bin the second they crossed the threshold into the outdoors.

Bin fumbled to form a snowball of his own, and in that time, Sua had nailed him twice more and sent a stray one Dongmin's way.

Dongmin ran behind Bin, pretending to use him as cover. Sua cackled with laughter, and Bin finally lobbed a huge wet snowball at her. The siblings ran around, forming snowballs and throwing them the second they saw a target. Dongmin didn't mind when he got hit; he couldn't help but laugh. Bin made such sweeping remarks. ("You will RUE the day you chose to do this Sua! RUE THE DAY!") Sua was agile and just stuck her tongue out.

When Dongmin managed to hit Bin square in the back, Bin tackled him to the ground, shrieking, "A betrayal!"

The chaos ended when Bin's father opened the door and announced that it was lunchtime. He nagged at them to hurry up and get in before the food went cold. 

Bin helped Dongmin to his feet and crushed a handful of snow on his head for good measure, "Twerp," he snorted.

Dongmin pushed him with a laugh.

He felt whole right now. He hadn't known that he felt incomplete until this very second. This sated something within him. He was warm despite the cold, and he couldn't imagine spending his day any other way. This was the most useful thing he could do today. It felt wonderful. 

Bin threw his arm around Dongmin's neck as they crunched through the snow back to the door. They reached the door together and Sua held up a printed out picture of mistletoe. She smirked, "Pranked."

Bin stiffened; the ease that he built between them froze into a brittle moment of awkwardness. Dongmin asked himself: _What would Bin's boyfriend do?_

Rolling his eyes at Sua with a sigh, Dongmin leaned over and planted a kiss on Bin's cheek. His skin was iced cold yet flaming hot. Dongmin pulled away as crimson flood Bin's face. He watched Bin's lips twitch into a soft smile as he uncoiled his sweater. Dongmin looked down at his own feet, suddenly embarrassed at how brash it had been. Did he tip his hand? Show a little too much of what he was feeling.

"Ew, that's so disgustingly sweet," Sua remarked, turning around and skipping toward the lunch spread.

Bin gently nudged him with his shoulder and cleared his throat.

"Don't be jealous!" He called after her.

//

Dongmin cleaned his face and smiled to himself. He suppressed a giggle.

He returned to the room; Bin had already turned off the lights and burrowed into the covers. Dongmin tiptoed to his bag, placing his toiletries back where the belonged. He sat on the bed and examined the outline of Bin's body. They had been very close today.

"Goodnight, Moon Bin," he tossed over his shoulder softly after crawling under the sheets. Even with a small wall of pillows between them, Dongmin felt Bin's warmth against his back. He practically radiated warmth from every pore; he was so kind and sweet and seemed to make Dongmin's heart more content than anything had before.

"G'night," Bin murmured, sweet and soft.

Dongmin smiled, ducking his face into the crook of his elbow, "Sweet dreams."

"Sleep well."

His smile stretched even further. It had been a while since Dongmin had such a lovely day with so many genuine smiles and laughs. It felt freeing and wonderful to have private and spontaneous moments to himself, shared only with those present instead with the viewers at home. His fingers drifted over his lips, the lips that pressed a soft kiss on Bin's cheek unapologetically. 

Was this what love felt like? Was he falling in love? Should he be falling in love? Being here with Bin and his lovely family-- it wasn't real. It wasn't fake, but Bin and Dongmin weren't dating. Dongmin should be thinking of this as a role without a structured script. He had plot beats to follow. This story already had an end from the moment it started. It was improvisation, but the improvisation made his heart flutter and brought him joy. Here, he was building relationships like he would if he was Bin's actual hard-working boyfriend.

But...

Bin had blushed. He struggled to restrain a smile because of Dongmin.

Dongmin decided to not think about it. He'd been a method actor for the past few days, and for long as he was here with this family, he would remain that way. Being Bin's boyfriend was nice. Great. Sweet. Being a son-in-law smoothed over the cracks in his heart from being his parent's son. He felt wanted and loved unconditionally. It was almost like he belonged.

He belonged here. The thought of that alone was enough to send him into his dreams with a smile on his face.

//

Bin tapped out an anxious rhythm with his fingers on Dongmin's shoulder. 

Dongmin wondered if he was this nervous every Christmas and every time he gave gifts or if this day was particularly worrying for him. Dongmin decided to placed his hand over Bin's fingers and firmly grip them in comfort.

Bin smiled at him.

Sua screamed with delight when she opened a box that had a book in it.

Bin whispered an explanation softly in Dongmin's ear, "She's obsessed with the author and that's a signed copy."

Dongmin nodded.

One by one, the gifts under the tree made it to the right place. Sua received a candle set and a new kitchen knife. Bin's mother opened a box with tickets to the orchestra and a lovely hairpin. Bin's father got an expanded set of wood carving tools, and Bin was given a new lens attachment and a tracker keychain. (He turned bright red and mumbled that he didn't lose his keys that often.)

Sua picked up the last box under the tree and shoved into Dongmin's hands, "For you."

Surprise took hold of Dongmin for a moment. He didn't think he'd be getting a gift; they barely knew him and weren't confident that Bin was actually seeing anyone a week ago-- why buy something for someone who doesn't exist?

"Thank you," he whispered, aware that all eyes were on him. He heard the shutter of Bin's camera catching his reaction.

He gently took off the wrapping paper and opened the box. He saw a small wooden keychain; his name was burned onto an abstract shape that has been sanded smooth. Beneath it was a deep green cable knit sweater with pale blue accents. A small card had a candid photo of him putting up one of his popcorn garlands, and there was a certificate for ONE (1) FREE snowball pass with restrictions applying.

Dongmin picked up the keychain. Bin's father cleared his throat and curtly said, "Had to meet you before I carved it." He punctuated it with a pat on Dongmin's back and a definitive nod. "It's meant to bring you luck."

Dongmin could've cried then. He managed to hold it on the inside as Bin's mother pointed at the sweater. "I knitted it just for you," she said as Dongmin ran his fingers over the soft yarn. "I would have customized it more," she lamented, "But Bin just wouldn't share details about what you liked."

Sua pointed at the certificate, "Use it wisely."

"Merry Christmas," Bin said, hugging Dongmin tightly, "Now, you'll have plenty of warm memories about the holidays."

"This is a perfect gift." Dongmin sniffled, "Thank you."

Bin kissed the top of his head. If only Bin knew how immediately that gesture and these gifts had carved out space in Dongmin's heart. He loved them, the moments, the gifts, the people.

**//**

Three bottles of mulled wine, a game of Pictionary, and a long-winded explanation of the horrors of filming Dongmin's most recent movie to everyone led to listening to slow songs being played over the speakers in the living room. Myungjun pulled Jinwoo into his arms and began dancing slowly in front of everyone. Sua and Bin's parents had wandered upstairs. Bin's parents were dead tired, and Sua said she wanted to Skype with someone important. (Bin muttered something about a new paramour.)

The boy Sanha brought introduced himself as Minhyuk, describing himself as a huge fan of both Dongmin's body of work and Sanha's spiritual boyfriend of seven years but actual boyfriend of two days. He invited Sanha to his feet with a cheesy declaration, "Let's have our first dance as lovers."

Sanha's face ripened, but he took the outstretched hand anyway.

It made Dongmin giggle. He was glad his advice worked out for Sanha. It sounded to him like Minhyuk had been waiting for Sanha to make the first move for a long time.

"Should we too?" Bin asked, slurring his words slightly.

Dongmin snorted and cuddled up next to Bin, "No. We can watch the romance."

"Hey, I have something to tell you."

"Hm?" Dongmin was a little too far gone to be cautious about his expectations. It'd be nice if Bin said that he liked Dongmin. Dongmin wanted that. He wanted them to transform into actual boyfriends, extend his bliss further into reality. Bin might want that too, he thought.

"I knew you were Lee Dongmin when we met. I just-- yeah." He said it like he was embarrassed.

"Okay."

Bin looked at him sideways. "You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" Dongmin replied, hugging Bin a little tighter to drive the point him.

"I don't know," Bin shrugged, "Thought it might make you feel weird. That I pretended I didn't know who were."

"Nah."

Bin returned his hug, "Cool."

Suddenly, Dongmin was very sober. It was Christmas. His return flight from Japan was scheduled to land tomorrow afternoon. He was booked up for New Year's Eve. Filming started the day after tomorrow. He had been so caught up in having friends and family to celebrate with that he'd forgotten about the limited time he had to spend with them.

Bin noticed how stiff Dongmin was. "Are you okay?"

"I have to leave tomorrow."

His dream-like fairytale was coming to close.

//

It was gloomy ride to the airport. 

Sua and Bin's parents understood when he explained his obligations. They hugged him and told him they looked forward to seeing him soon. He didn't get to say goodbye to Sanha. That made him sad. Sanha was the first one to explicitly give him approval. It made him feel even worse that they didn't appreciate the depth of his goodbyes, the uncertainty, the near-impossibility of him meeting them again. He only had the length of the car ride to pluck up the nerve to ask if Bin might _like_ him.

Myungjun and Jinwoo drove with Bin and Dongmin to the airport. Bin's flight out was in the New Year; their timing didn't match up at the end. Bin hardly looked at him; it hurt Dongmin. He wasn't ready to let go of Bin and his family and all the good things that came along with them. He didn't want to return to being Dongmin the actor. He really enjoyed his time as Dongmin, Bin's boyfriend.

Myungjun hugged him for a very long time after he got out of the car. Jinwoo joined in part of the way through. "We'll stay here and give you two a private goodbye."

Bin silently accompanied Dongmin into the airport. They stopped at the halfway point between transportation pick up and the airline counters.

"This is it," Dongmin announced, trying to play down how sad that statement made him.

Bin looked at him for the first time in an hour. "Thank you. You've been the best boyfriend that I could have lied about."

Dongmin smiled and nudged him with an elbow, "You're such a good actor. If you ever want to pursue anything, let me know."

Bin snorted, letting laughter crack through his sour mask, "You're a good friend. I'm going to miss you."

It killed Dongmin a little bit when Bin said friend. The courage he'd been trying to gather for the past few minutes vanished. He couldn't tell Bin how he felt. He cleared his throat, "Thank you for a wonderful week. I will miss you too."

Bin pulled him into a hug, "Goodbye, Lee Dongmin."

Dongmin wrapped his arms around Bin, squeezing before letting go. 

Bin chuckled, "Gotta figure out how to explain how we broke up."

"You can blame me," Dongmin replied softly. He listed every excuse he could think of, to convince himself of how they would eventually end if he tried to make it real. "I'm a busy person. I didn't have enough time for you. Rumors of my involvement with other people put a strain on our relationship."

Bin bit his lip and nodded.

Dongmin glanced behind Bin to see Myungjun and Jinwoo peering at them from a distance. It made him smile; what kind of privacy was that?

Dongmin closed the distance between them and pressed a final kiss on Bin's cheek. He felt compelled to leave this little part of his heart with Bin. Maybe the action could convey all the feelings that Dongmin hadn't verbalized. "For our audience," he lied, motioning to Bin's friends. "I wish you all the best."

He withdrew himself and pulled his things behind him. He turned back to wave goodbye at Bin, trying not to cry. Bin was still in sight, watching him go; Dongmin had a chance to correct his lie of omission. He still had a sliver of time to tell Bin that he lo-- really liked Bin.

Bin waved and turned around, taking Dongmin's last chance with him.

Dongmin sat on a bench and waited to calm down before he left the airport and caught a taxi home. He already missed Bin and missed feeling like he was at home.

Dongmin's phone rang. 

His mother's name populated his display. He answered his phone and closed his eyes, "Hi, mom."

Her voice was bright, "Hi, my love. Happy late Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, mom."

"How was your Christmas?"

Dongmin smiled to himself, "Great."

The next time that he saw Bin, he would not let his feelings go unsaid. (He would see Moon Bin again, right?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue within the next week.  
> thanks for reading.  
> this took FOREVER. i basically hate it, and i can't tell if it's any good or if it's as tonally confused as i think it is.help.  
> also, [lover by taylor swift ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BjZmE2gtdo)pulled through writing this.
> 
> if you're celebrating anything right now, i hope you have a soothing & wonderful time. have a peaceful december.


	3. iii. epilogue: summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moon Bin fixes a mistake.

Bin fiddled with the strap of his camera.

His sister customized it for him a few years ago during the summer, lamenting how she was practically giving away her labor for free.

He didn’t know how to face her now.

Dongmin told him to use his career as an excuse for why Dongmin wouldn’t be around anymore.Bin tried, and even when pressed with prying questions about how they could have fallen apart because of that, Bin just repeatedly said that he didn’t want to talk about it.

His parents gave him that space; they could tell that Bin wanted to wallow in peace.It took no acting skills to make Bin look like he longed for Dongmin.Bin wasn’t sure when he stopped acting altogether. Again, he wasn’t thinking ahead; his heart clung to Dongmin and seemed to forget that there was no way Dongmin would be there forever.

That was a lie too.

Bin knew the exact moment that his heart shifted gears from pretending to be in love to being in love.It was the look on his face when JInwoo told him that he and Myungjun were engaged. Dongmin was so soft and warm and matter-of-fact in his sweet smile.Like he’d known them forever and for a brief second had forgotten they were engaged. As though there was no other order of events in the universe that could have happened, _naturally_ he knew Jinwoo and Myungjun belonged together.

“He liked you, Moon Bin,” Sua stated bluntly. She thought that was everything that mattered.

“Doesn’t matter much anymore,” Bin replied bitterly.

Sua looked angry when she replied, “All you’re doing is making yourself and him miserable.”

He missed his timing; there wasn’t a point in trying to fix his nonrelationship with Dongmin.

He must have been a particular brand of stupid to be caught off guard by the idea that Dongmin had… a life.He had seen Dongmin countless times on screen, acting, hosting, singing, charming his way into the hearts of the nation.He supposed he was lucky to have a slice of Dongmin that no one else did.He wondered if he should care that Dongmin might have lied about how personal life.(Bin thought and thought about it, but he couldn’t quite buy into Dongmin completely acting.He was too kind and genuine for that; he chased Bin down and made his vacation wonderful.)

He went to see Dongmin’s film. The one he’d told them a story about. 

He enjoyed it.He felt pride in how well Dongmin portrayed the character--as if he had any claim on that kind of pride.

He was so far gone.It was a shame.He never got the bitter sting rejection he needed to move on and let Dongmin become a sweet memory.

Bin shook his head and pulled his camera to his face.He focused his shot: a chaotic and beautiful street-side table cluttered with small trinkets.Every table in this market was its own art display.He wished he could capture to the music of sellers and buyers haggling and the snippets of mundane conversations set to the tune of songs from decades past.

A couple walked into frame.The women seemed wrapped up in being in love.Something caught the taller girl’s eyes, and she jumped with a quick squeal and dragged her girlfriend along with her.Bin snapped a picture.The excitement contrasted with the look of pure devotion and adoration well.

Love seemed to follow him everywhere.

Bin looped his camera strap over his shoulder.He was such a coward.What kind of situation had he gotten himself into?What was the point of having a pretend boyfriend only to have real feelings and to deal with real regret and real heartbreak?How lucky was he to find someone like Dongmin?Someone that understood him and looked at him with a permanently affixed soft smile?How unlucky was he to let the feelings slip through his fingers?For what?Some dumb half-baked notion that he wasn’t good enough?

He walked and thought.

He outlined what his article might say about the sights, sounds, and smells.He would probably add a line about wistfully reflecting on love; being here ruffled his memories and wound nostalgia through his veins.A foreign place with an aching familiarity, yada yada.

Bin wanted ice cream. Eating his feelings sounded nice, and it cured the pain for a moment.Then he’d start to think about could-have-beens and it would all come back to Lee Dongmin and—

He heard his name.

At least, he thought he did—from somewhere far.Bin raised his head and tried to find the source of the sound.

Bin shook his head.It was nothing.

“Moon Bin!”

There it was again.His name.

Bin searched once more.No recognizable faces for as far as he could see.

“MOON BIN!”

This time, the voice was unmistakable, in volume, in tone, in frustration, in familiarity. 

Bin stopped.His entire body froze, and something in his soul pointed his gaze across the street to find him.Lee Dongmin with his hands bracing his knees, panting and maintaining fierce eye contact, he was standing on the other side of the street.

A beautiful smile broke out on Dongmin’s face in relief.He waved naturally between gaping inhales.

Bin waved too, and Dongmin used his hand to ask him to stay put.He had to be dreaming.He willed himself into seeing an apparition of Dongmin.Something in him missed Dongmin so desperately that it conjured a clone of Dongmin, stitched together from memories and random images he’d seen.

Dongmin jogged across the street when there weren’t any cars passing.

Suddenly, there was no space between them.It was a lovely dream, wasn’t it?When he awoke in his hotel room, it would be bittersweet.It was so nice to have a delusion of Dongmin looking at him like he was important.Like he had been longing for Bin as much as Bin longed for him.

“Hi,” Dongmin said softly.

Bin stood silently for a moment, relishing in the careful tenderness of that greeting.He raised his hand and used a finger to softly poke Dongmin’s cheek. This wasn’t a dream.Dongmin was real and standing there and relieved and happy to see Moon Bin of all people.

“Sorry,” Bin replied quietly, pulling his hand away.“I thought I might be seeing things.”

Dongmin’s eyes were bright and a sweet smile stayed fixed on his face.He repeated himself, “Hi.”

“How are you?”

Dongmin bit his lips before responding, “Better than ever.How are you?”

Bin cleared his throat, “Good, well, uh, as good as someone going through heartbreak can be.”

“Someone broke your heart?” Dongmin whispered; Bin was familiar with that desperation and sadness.He felt it when flipping through endless articles speculating about Dongmin in the months since Bin tripped and fell into love with him.

Bin gave a playful nod, “Yeah, he met my family and broke up with me right after Christmas.”

Dongmin processed and giggled.He understood, “Sorry about that.How is everyone?”

“Good.They’re good; they think I’m dumb for ending it with you, but…” Bin paused.He was a coward, indeed.He chuckled and patted Dongmin on the shoulder, “We really pulled the wool over their eyes, huh?”

Dongmin blinked.A small twinkle in his eye dimmed.He cleared his throat, “Right, well, I was— I’m on a break from filming, they’re probably wondering where I am.”

No.Bin wanted a little more time.

“It was really great to see you again,”Dongmin said firmly before giving Bin a warm hug.

Dongmin pulled away, taking his liveliness and a tiny spark of hope in Bin's soul with him, and a bolt of courage struck Bin.He grabbed Dongmin’s wrist, “You forgot something when you left during winter.”

“Oh?” Dongmin replied in confusion, “I can arrange for a time to come get it.”

Bin steeled himself and shook his head, “No need, I can give it to you now.”

Blush dusted Dongmin’s cheeks; he was flustered, touched.He looked down, “You didn’t need to keep it on you.I mean, the odds of you running into me on any given day seem kind of low…”

“I don’t mind,” Bin murmured.

“What do you—“

Lips.Dongmin’s were softer than he remembered.Then again, this was the first time Bin was kissing Dongmin on the tips.An indescribable relief swept through Bin’s heart when Dongmin melted instead of stiffening.Dongmin’s free arm slid behind Bin’s back; he wasn’t sure who took the step to bring their bodies closer together.

Bin pulled back first, resting his forehead against Dongmin’s.His eyes were still screwed shut from the elation passing through him, “You left my heart.It’s yours.Please take it.”

Dongmin shifted back.He had misread something. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Bin’s eyes snapped open. 

Dongmin stared, eyes impossibly soft, lips parted, brow slightly furrowed.In a soft and cautious voice, he asked, “Can I really keep it?”

Bin nodded.

Dongmin surged forward; Bin barely caught the wide smile on Dongmin’s face when his lips were once more attached to Dongmin. Dongmin gave him several pecks between “thank yous”.

“Can I have your number too?” Dongmin asked, hope sparkling in his eyes.

“How else will I stay in constant contact with my very real boyfriend?”

Dongmin kissed him deeply.His arms locked around Bin’s middle.Bin’s hands drifted to Dongmin’s shoulders.His hand cupped the back of Dongmin’s neck.

Quite frankly, he didn’t care if they were in the middle of the sidewalk.All he cared about was Dongmin warm in his arms, Dongmin softly pressing his mouth against his, Dongmin’s happy hum when Bin’s teeth raked over his lower lip. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. (I liked writing this chapter, how rare!) . This is what is was all for folks.
> 
> if you want to visit my [tumblr](http://yehetno.tumblr.com/), you can. it is mostly nonsense? low quality writing content. responding to asks. that's it.


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